What have I been up too? Well, right now I’m in the middle of the 90 day program. I’m in step 4 and it is bring me down. Thinking about my past is hard and make me feel like crap. I want to get it over with so I can be move on. I have about 10 days left. I have been talking to my sponsor and he has been giving me encouragement and it has helped a little. I’m grateful that he has been there to help me along the way. If it wasn’t for his guidance I know that I would have fallen by now.
My relationship with my wife is not great. I don’t know how to act around her. I feel like we are just friends. That is great but we are a couple. I told her that I don’t know how to act around her. When I go in for a kiss it feels weird. She said that maybe it’s good that we start building on our friendship again. I have written her a letter telling how that I’m sorry for how I treated her. I am planning on giving it to her on Christmas. Some days I think that I should just give it to her. I feel that if I do give it to her now, things will get better. I know and understand that a letter won’t fix everything as she finishes the letter. I need to be patient with her. As an addict I want change right away. I want to be normal with my wife and not feel eerie around her. I put her through so much and made her suffer. I need to be patient and I know if I stay sober things will get better between us.
Days I have been sober: 213
My Addiction, My Words 
I wouldn’t give her the letter just yet. I’m a recovered alcoholic with just 9 short years. When i got sober it was wierd for me too. I has no feelings for my wife. I didn’t know how to feel. It will come in the right order and the toming will present itself. E can’t repair damage that happened over long periods in short ones. How many times have we said we were sorry before. A simple sorry or leter will likley fall short of the amends needed and if your on step for it’s not a gokd Idea to do step 9. I told my wife that I wore “I’m sorry” out and that my amends to her would be a living one where I wouldn’t need to say those words anymore. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Own the letter for yourself and show her in action. My eife and i started anew what we has nefore was sick obsessive and possesive. By aligning with Gods will we learn how to love and live rightly. Merry Christmas that’s just my experience take it or leave it, Jason
Thanks for your input, I will consider it. I do believe that actions speak louder than words. I need to serve her more and showing her by doing things for her.
The change in your attitude toward her and your actions will likley be enough. Look at my post “self center of the universe.” I want for my wifes happiness more than my own and this athitude has been working well. That and not forcing my will on her. I hope the best for you regardless of what you do, i jope yoi completlety give yourself to the simple program, because that’s what works, Merry Christmas